THE BUS CHRONICLES (1) : THE TAKERS… NAIJA STYLE

Hello everyone!! Its been a few years… I’ve had numerous things to blog about but that damn laziness won’t let me!.. Anyways, from my title, I guess you’ve figured that this blog is taking a new direction.
I realised the most hilarious things happen to me in the buses (public transport, p.t, yellow bus, anyhow you want to call it abeg). I try to tweet about them but really, is 140 characters enough to describe the driver who was singing at the top of his lungs one minute and successfully convinced an agbero (roadside thug for my international people) that he was deaf and dumb the next minute? .. Or is it enough to describe the old woman trying to stiff her fare just on the basis that, I don’t know… She’s old? (So annoying)… Or maybe the driver that thought his bus was something created in 2050 and it could fly over a trailer (don’t ask).. Anyways, 140 characters is not enough, hence
THE BUS CHRONICLES WERE BORN!!!
BUAHAHAHAAA!!
*Darth Vader’s voice followed by evil laugh*

So today’s experience happened on the Oshodi to Maryland route. First off, I was beyond ticked cuz the stupid bus made me step into a puddle of murky water (the microbiologist in me refused to start analysing the things living there ..eeuw) then my friend and I (for privacy purposes we shall name her Christiana Brown.. The reason for this name, you shall know soon enough) … So me and Christiana Brown boarded the bus and took our usual backseat positions. We were still sorting out how much we were to pay the conductor when the kasala just started in front
“I WILL SHOW YOU!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM”
“IF YOU LIKE BE DIRECTOR GENERAL OF POLICE YOU NO FIT DO ME NOTHING!!”
“MAKE WE REACH OJOTA! I GO PARK THIS MOTTO”

We initially tried to ignore what was going on until the driver (who thought he was superman or something) kept taking his eyes off d road and turnin his head to reign insults on the policewoman. That’s when Christiana Brown got concerned (the babe loves her life too much) and started shouting at the driver to face the road along with the other passengers.
The stupid conductor now added his dirty mouth and was screaming at the woman and trying to collect money at the same time (Great multi-tasker like his driver, he is not cuz half d bus ended up not paying)

This policewoman vs. Driver assisted by Conductor continued until we appeared at Anthony. The policewoman found her fellow policewoman and asked her to park the bus. The driver turned and spat on the policewoman outside and told her to do her worst. He tried to clear her from the road and was at d same time turning around to slap the policewoman in the bus (that driver was like the super villain of all times).. The sharp policewoman outside ran to meet the road safety MAN (it was at this point I concluded the driver did NOT have a special thing for women in uniform) in front who promptly blocked the bus and took out that thing they take out from the engine at d back (don’t ask me, I’m not a mechanic)…
All this while, the policewoman in the bus was screaming and slapping the driver AND the conductor (more like fighting cuz they were both giving her heavy slaps and blows) while telling them to let her down, she managed to open the driver’s door and was trying to drag him out when he jammed the door shut, on her fingers! (This driver was just asking for a good beating)…
Christiana brown got active when the conductor shut the 2doors and said nobody was going down again (after half the passengers had fled)
The sharp bad babe just flew out of the boot in ONE STRIDE and started searching for me after she was on the sidewalk (smh @people I call my BFFs)… Me sef, I can’t dull, after I found my glasses lens that popped out (the stupid geh next to me gave me one hot ‘jabbing’ on my face while she was panicking) I promptly did some similar Chris brown stunts and was next to my friend a few seconds later on the sidewalk…. We watched as they dragged the driver down from the bus, shouting and reign curses with some taekwando skills here and there and promptly proceeded to give him the beating he was asking for. We sharply found another bus and continued on our journey (before the conductor will remember he hadn’t collected money from us and kpoks us) laughing all the way at our ‘takers’ skills…

The cause of this whole calamity you ask?

The policewoman refused to pay because she was in uniform ¯\..( •___• )../¯